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…of this Sony Ericsson w960i walkman phone with wifi and 8gb storage space. Starhub gave me a $200 voucher for phone upgrade, so I got this phone at a very good deal. Okla my boyfriend bought for me wan. Outrageously happy with the coolness and the geekiness of this phone. 8gb man! Already storing my 949 songs.

I am now blogging from City Square Johor Bahru Starbucks. In a few many many hours time, I will be at the beach.

Yayness to the max!

… it’s very sad to live if you’re going to be afraid to do this and afraid to do that because scared of this and scared of that.

Why eat? You may suffer from of food poisoning or too much toxin intake with all the cholesterol, artificial flavour colouring shit.

Why breathe? You may suffer from lung cancer with all the carbon and 2nd hand smoke you will inhale throughout your whole lifetime.

Why walk? You may be knocked down by an automobile even when you’re walking on the safe sidewalk for pedestrians.

Why run? You may have knee problems.

Why shit? You may have asshole cancer.

Why work? After all, you can’t take the money with you when you’re dead.

Why livc? You are going to die anyway.

What matters in this life are the risks and chances you take. The whole world is on your feet, and you have all the freedom to do whatever you want to do. But if you’re going to be afraid of every damn thing, even to the slightest minute action, then why not just don’t do anything then? If it’s going to be a stupid move, so what? I’ll live to regret it, so what? I’d rather regret doing it than not. I mean, I’m not talking about things which are unlawful la, like taking another person’s life. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to kill someone, and this courage is different from the courage to do what you want to do in life.

And when I’m 90 years old, the worst thing is to remember back, “Ah fuck man, I should have done that”, cos when you live up to 90 years old, who gives a damn about me anymore? Who really cares? No one. No one is going to remember anything, except of course if I was a cartoon character like Spongebob or Tom and Jerry, and if so, people are going to remember me for life.

All I’m saying is, there is always risk in whatever things that you do. Sure, I can hear you say risk can be calculated, for example, traveling in the day is always better than traveling in the night. But isn’t traveling altogether a risk as well? Isn’t traveling in the day also a risk? What makes you so sure that you will not get robbed during the day? Lesser chances? Lesser risk? But there’s always a risk, isn’t there? It is still a risk that you’re taking, right? If you want to lesser the risk further, why not don’t travel at all?

I just don’t like the idea of people telling me, ehhh, don’t do this because this and this will happen or scared of this will happen in the future. I just think sometimes people need to grow some backbone and courage and bravery in this aspect. Saying the things you want to say, either for yourself or for someone else’s defend. And not like, “ehhhhhh scared ler, don’t want lahhh, aiyah no use wan laahhh”. Doing the things you want to do. Living the life you want it to be and not because it is dictated by some newspaper article somewhere.

So people get heart broken, will you stop loving?
So companies get bankrupt, do you stop working?
So you fail, do you stop trying?

So you’re going to die anyway…. do you stop living?

Even right now?

I’m sweating like a pig but wearing a Doraemon slipper, you know, those that keeps your feet warm.
The weather’s so hot and my living room is aircond-less.
I’m sitting in front of this laptop. Still not able to sleep. It’s almost 4am in the morning.
I’m hunting for things to do online, reading other people’s blog.
At the same time, I’m watching E! Online on TV.
I feel like watching a chick flick, one that can make me cry, but can’t think of any.
I’m just thinking…
…and feeling.
Hmm….
This is weird.
What is this?
I just hope it’s a case of having too much thoughts.
I should sleep.

It’s the weekend and I am back in KL. Bumped into Beng Yau again in the bus. For the 2nd time. He and I asked each other the let’s-find-something-to-talk-about question, "Why are you going back to KL again?"

It’s Mother’s Day and my brother’s birthday this weekend. Definitely would not want to give it a miss, although this time, I didn’t bother finding any presents Haih, I’m just too lazy I guess. I don’t even know what I’ll buy for the both of them if I had the time. Perfume? T-Shirts? Mobile phone? Yep, been there, done that.

Woke up at 12 noon today and proceeded to camp in front of the tv, as usual. Watched a marathon of America’s Next Top Model and regretting cutting my hair short because girls seemed so girly with long hair. The problem with me is, I’m just born with non-straight and non-silky hair, and the problem with me is that I am just not bothered with keeping my hair healthy, using the right shampoo, massage my scalp, using the right moisturizer, apply oil, go for spas and whatever shit females go through for their hair. I’m not. I would like to, I tried, but I just don’t have the discipline because frankly, I don’t give a damn.

So I cut my hair short in protest. It’s just HAIR!

Bleh.

In church earlier, I was thinking of a long long lost friend, Tang Wai Keong. I wonder where he is now. I’m not sure why I thought of him all of a sudden while the priest was talking something in front, but I just did. The Klang boy whom I know from mIRC, last occupation was furniture salesman. We used to hang out so much when we were 18. We did many many crazy things. We had this love hate friendship, I guess. I do miss him now. I wonder if he had impregnate a girl, and is therefore married, or he died or something. I don’t have his phone number either. He’s not really an online person, so I guess he doesn’t facebook. Tang Wai Keong, are you still alive? Would love to hear from you.

Oh, my exboyfriend from college is getting married. He has that same attitude like before, even after so many years later now.

Our recent MSN conversation went something like this:

Exboyfriend: Where are you ler? Still in Singapore?
Me: Yup.
Exboyfriend: Still go back to KL?
Me: Depends, if got occasions.
Exboyfriend: How’s things?
Me: Good. How about you? Still working in KL? *coughs loser coughs*
Exboyfriend: I’ve already moved in to my new place, shifted everything, how not to stay in Kl ler…
Me: Good. Whereabouts?
Exboyfriend: XXXX.
Me: Icic.
(long pause)
Exboyfriend: See ler how, if you come back to KL, give me a call we go out for drinks.

The thing here is, this loser is getting married soon, so why is he inviting me, his ex girlfriend, for a drink? I can only think of 3 reasons for this:

Please la, get over me. I may be the best damn thing that ever happened to you but, I have never been better since I broke off with you for another worse loser. What did you expect me to say? “Oh ya, you’re the best ler, I shouldn’t have dumped you, please have me back, I will love you as a person, really, this time. I’m not married ler, I’m so at a sad state right now, wow, I really regret ler.”

And not getting married doesn’t mean nobody wants me. It just means that I didn’t want you.

Do you get the point already?

“Not Fate But What We Make”

I’m sorry that is just a line from Terminator 3 cos I’m watching it now hahahaha.