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I had diarrhea and vomiting and rashes all over my body last week. The doctor said it was food allergy but I doubt it. I usually don’t have any allergy and I didn’t eat anything ’special’.

The rashes came in a very extraordinary way. I was sitting on the toilet bowl and when my last shit dropped, I felt my palms, gums and tongue beginning to itch. Then my palms and face were swollen, followed by itchiness and red spots developing all over my body, especially at the joints. I seriously doubt it was food allergy. I thought food allergy happens once you take the food immediately? Or does it also happens after the food has been processed into crap and when it comes out from your arse?

I’m well now, but my stomach is still recovering. Occasionally, it decides to give me pain so had to go toilet to crap.

I usually try not to shit in public toilets, not because the toilets are dirty, but because it is EMBARRASSING. Yes, embarrassing.

Just imagine this, your stomach is churning so painfully and you rush to the public toilet. Everyone else is there but it’s sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo quiet you can hear a pin drop. Then you find your booth, take your pants out but………..try to hold it at the same time…………..cos……………..if you release your farts and shit then………………everybody else would……………..hear it.

You know what sound I’m talking about or not? First, the fart sounds, those under pressure for so long and released at top speed. Woof!

Sound of shit dropping! If hard shit then *plop plop* or *ketumbbbbbbbbbb*. If watery shit then *pretttt perep perepppp slishhhhhhhh*

Maybe repeated. Cycle. Loop. No particular order.

Then smell. Sorry for the next person using the toilet.

And you don’t want that to happen cos you don’t know where to put your face when you come out. Sure everyone will look at you wan. Trying to hide their laughs. Probably they’ll rush out and tell their friends and they try not to look at you and point their mini baby finger at you.

So before I shit in public toilets, first must make sure whether got people inside or not. If don’t have, faster do without reservation. Or if got people then wait until they leave. Or pray that they use the hand dryer. Or wait till someone flushes to drown out my sound.

C’mon, I’m sure that sounded familiar to you right? Let’s not talk about shit lah, even girls would hold their urine if they are people in the toilet. There was this public toilet with just 3 booths and it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo quiet. Lucky I was the only person in so I did my business noisily. Then heard someone came into the booth next to me so I quieten down, also lucky business already done.

So I purposely stayed on for a while to observe sound coming from the next booth.

Yep taking pants off, now should be it….

Hmm….no sound. Wah lau damn quiet…. like she died inside.

OK fine, I walked to the basins and washed my hands. But as I walked out and open the main door, I hear urine sound. Wah lau now only release, can stand so long.

Hahahahaha!!! Therefore, I conclude I’m not the only person here sensitive of the sounds I make in the toilet.

I wish they’d install Soundproof Toilet Booths, so we can do our ‘business’ properly, loudly, clearly and save face at the same time. Or install loud music.

But, further to my investigation, I realized that guys just do their business loudly and proudly. Mr WaRmOnGeR was shitting and SMSed me at the same time from a public toilet, saying the guy next to him was shitting like an elephant too. Hmm, why are guys so nonchalant about this hah?

I just can’t I just can’t! I’d rather hold my crap.