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I’m going to delete this Lee Hom category soon, the sight of him or his face gives me splinters in my eyes. Terrible, which is me.

I’m experiencing some changes in my life, the boring part of my life. But I wonder if it’s a good or bad thing.

Like how One Republic sang, “I think I’m moving but I go nowhere”. Love that line.

Sometimes when you’re good to people and you’re always cheerful, they take advantage of that. They think that I’m everything but serious. Underneath it all, I do my part wholeheartedly and I like doing things in a harmonious environment, where everyone talks excitedly, everyone shouting and screaming and LOLOLOLOL. I like making people happy, even if that means I need to be a sad prune inside. But that’s fine. I’m just naturally this.

I don’t give up on things easily. I am a fighter. I like to win. In all circumstances, I like to win. I am competitive. I hate to lose. But I am also the type of person, if and when, provoked or hurt or disappointed time and time and time again, I give up. I decide that it’s not worth while. And I don’t look back.

I suppose, given some time for me to heal, I’ll bounce back. Back to my old self. Provided that, things change for the better.

This is for sure. I will be back. Grudges, I will hold, I will remember. But that’s fine. I’m just naturally this.

And it’s during this ‘healing’ period, I tend to be quieter than usual. I take my time to re-adjust. And it’s during this ‘re-adjustment’ period, people perceive me to be still pissed and snobbish and difficult to please. They’ve gotten so used to me being sunny and bright, so when I’m just as normal as you, and me, and a dog named Boo and any other person on the planet, people still see me as a raisin. Dried up and black. In actual fact, I’m really just being normal, like me and you and a dog named Boo. I don’t talk when I don’t feel like talking, like normal folks, right?

Last time, I talk even when no one is around. I talk to myself. I even get chatty with taxi drivers, I ask them how’s their day, how’s business, how’s the weather lately, and what he had for lunch.

Just like how my friends are so intrigued by the fact that I’ve now lost all interest, actually to the point of hate, for Lee Hom. I was so into him, fan-dom shit, posters, pictures, the life of him as a musician, his albums, his songs, his latest news and all. Everytime I talk to my friends, I spew his name endlessly.

But I gave up, because of one stupid incident. I was heartbroken and I’ve decided that it’s not worth while. Not only because it’s not worth while, I’ve become like some sort of a maximized retardation of myself. So I stopped. And I don’t want to have to do with anything relating to Lee Hom. And my friends will go, “Why you so fast change heart wan? One minute he’s your idol and the next, he’s your nidol”.

Nidol = Not idol. (just made it up).

So I’m going for David Tao’s concert. Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. *show tongue*

I think I am extreme in this sense. I either love something so much, or hate something so much. I’m never in between. You’re nothing in between. Your legs.

Shit digressed.

Ok repeat.

I think I am extreme in this sense. I either love something so much, or hate something so much. Isn’t it how you’re supposed to live your life? Passionately. Dance like there’s no tomorrow, sing like there’s no tomorrow. Don’t hold back.

I am also a bit of a pervert because I like to feel miserable. I like to be blue. I like to be sad. I like to be jaded. I like these feelings.

Only because, I know that after all these, I know what is happiness

So if you are reading this, perhaps you should know. I’ve said what I have to say, but not what I want to say. There are a lot of things I want to say, but I know it’s unnecessary, because I know, nobody will listen to me. It’s fine. I accept. I will move on.

But if you’re expecting things to be back to normal, then expect that normal will not come back to you. At least not so soon. Perhaps not even in the near future. But I have no answer as to when either.

I’m not here to make people happy either, I’m not here to entertain people and always have to open the gates to la la land. It was a choice for me to make people happy. It was a choice for me to make people smile and laugh. It was a favour, it was my choice, and not my obligation to fulfill.

I am now normal.

Like me, and you, and a dog named Boo.

And loving it.