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While walking down the street one day a Malaysian Boleh Minister is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang Berhormat.

"I’m sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter.

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.  They play a friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves on lobsters, caviar and the most expensive food there is.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St.Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it’s time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think Ai yam better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don’t understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning just like you during an election…… Today you voted."

An Indian, a Chinese and a Malay were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all of them died before they arrived.

Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Indian, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present, asked him what happened.

"Well," said the Indian, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Chinese and the Malay and I were standing at the gates of heaven. An Angel approached us and said that we were too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So, of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50 and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That’s amazing!" said one of the doctors. "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them", replied the Indian, "the Chinese was bargaining over the price, and the Malay was waiting for the government to pay for his."

There are 4 hunters sitting around a campfire; a British, an American, an Indonesian and a Malaysian. They were all very exhausted after a long day of hunting.

Suddenly, the British man stood up, went to his hunting pack and pulled out a bottle of wine. Pouring a glass for everyone and drinking some himself, he pulled out his gun, threw the bottle into the air and shot it, breaking the bottle into thousands of pieces. Everyone was stunned and they asked him the reason for doing such a thing.

He simply exclaimed, "Oh, wine is plentiful in my country, old chap."

The American, not wanting to be outdone by the British, took out a bottle of whisky from his pack and did the same thing, this time saying, "Oh no worries, whisky is plentiful in my country."

The Malaysian thought to himself, "Mahai, these guai lou’s all think they so good, Malaysia oso boleh-lah." He went to his bag and pulled out a container of Milo, poured some for everyone and drank some. He then threw the container into the air, took out his gun and shot the Indonesian. Both the British and American were shocked of this unpredictable action and asked him why he did it!

The Malaysian simply said, "Oh no problem, Indonesians are plentiful in my country, and our government encourage us to recycle."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, what is politics?" Sitting his son down, the father replied, "Well, son, that is a difficult question - best I explain it to you like this.

I am the breadwinner of the family so let’s call me Capitalism. Your mother controls everything so we’ll call her the Government. Our maid works for your us so she would be the Working Class.  You are answerable to us, so you would be termed The People, and your little baby brother is The Future.  Do you understand?"

The Little boy was a bit bewildered by his father’s explanation, but decided to go to bed and think about it. During the night, he was awoken by the sound of his baby brother crying. Getting out of bed to investigate, his found his brother’s diaper to be severely soiled. He ran to his parents room only to find his mother fast asleep and his father out of his bed. He attempted to wake his mother, but she just grunted and remained fast asleep.  He then walked out into the hall and noticed the guest room light on. He peered inside and saw his father in bed with the maid. Confused, he went back to bed.

The next day, the little boy told his father he understood politics much better now. "Excellent, son, what have you learned?"

The little boy thought for a minute and then said: "I’ve learned that while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is fast sleep and ignoring the people… and the future is in deep shit."

You never ever sat down on Popo’s warm chair after she got up. (Popo is Grandma in Cantonese)

Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings.

You inform the ticket clerk that your 13 year old is 12 to avoid paying adult fare.

You would drive around the block 10 times rather than pay for parking.

You would stand in line for hours and hours for a free gift whether you needed it or not.

You keep a thermos of hot water available at all times.

You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.

You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully to save and reuse wrappings and bows.

You starve yourself all day before going to an all you can eat buffet.

You save your old coke bottle glasses even though you’re never going to use them again.

You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.

You live with your parents and over 30 years old (and they like it that way). And if you’re married, you live in the apartment next to your parents, or in the same neighborhood.

You have a drawer full of used pens, most of which don?t write anymore.

You don’t own any real Tupperware, only used margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.

You know at least three people named Alan Wong.

Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friend’s kids.

You call all your parents friends “auntie or uncle”.

More?

…so true lah wah sehhh man.

Have you heard the joke about Malaysian astronauts? I heard this from someone before, it goes something like this.

(WARNING: PLEASE TURN ON YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR OK?)

The Malaysian government is looking for the best Malaysian to go to the moon and become the first national astronaut. After several physical examinations and multiple IQ tests, the government has filtered down to 3 best individuals, an Indian, a Malay and a Chinese. So the government officer decided to interview them before proceeding further:

Officer: Congratulations! You are one of the final 3 candidates who passed all our tests and ready to go to the moon. Now you will realize that this will be our 1st expedition and undeniably, there will be a some danger involved. However, if this mission is a success, you will become the pride of our nation and put our map into the world. Will you be willing to sacrifice your life for our country?
Indian Guy: Yes sir, I am ready and willing to sacrifice my life. But before this, I only ask for one favour sir.
Officer: What will it be?
Indian Guy: I would need RM1 million before I go to the moon, sir.
Officer: RM1 million?? Why do you need RM1 million??
Indian Guy: You see sir, if anything happens to me, nobody will take care of my family, my wife and 2 kids. RM1 million will be sufficient, sir.
Officer: I will consider your request. Thank you.

Next interview:

Officer: Congratulations! You are one of the final 3 candidates who passed all our tests and ready to go to the moon. Now you will realize that this will be our 1st expedition and as careful as we are, undeniably there will be some danger involved. However, if this mission is a success, you will become the pride of our nation. Will you be willing to sacrifice your life for our beloved country?
Malay Guy: Yes sir, I am ready and willing to sacrifice my life. But before that, I only ask for one favour sir.
Officer: What will it be?
Malay Guy: I would need RM2 million before I go to the moon, sir.
Officer: RM2 million?? Why do you need RM2 million??
Malay Guy: You see sir, if anything happens to me, nobody will take care of my family. I have 2 wives sir, so RM1 million for each wife will be sufficient, sir.
Officer: I will consider your request. Thank you.

Now the officer is fuming and thinks that no one is as patriotic as they seemed to be. Finally, the last interview:

Officer: Congratulations! You are one of the final 3 candidates who passed all our tests and ready to go to the moon. Now you will realize that this will be our 1st expedition and as careful as we are, undeniably there will be some danger involved. However, if this mission is a success, you will become the pride of our nation. Will you be willing to sacrifice your life for our beloved country?
Chinese Guy: Yes sir, I am ready and willing to sacrifice my life. But before that, I only ask for one favour sir.
Officer: What will it be?
Chinese Guy: I would need RM3 million before I go to the moon, sir.
Officer: RM3 million?? Why do you need RM3 million?? Bugger you are more greedy than the 1st 2 candidates!!
Chinese Guy: No sir, you see it’s like this. RM1 million is for me, another RM1 million is for you and the last RM1 million is for that Indian fella to go to the moon…