Every weekend back home is always full of surprises. Well, not so much of ’surprises’, but more of interesting things happening than staying in Singapore.
(My English is so fucking broken.)
First of, I had a near death experience. The bus I took back to KL was driven by the 1st sleepy driver. Usually I don’t pay much attention to the bus driver or to the journey itself because I will be drowning in my Nintendo DS, or blasting my ears to deaf. But this time, I sensed that the bus was exceptionally slow. Being stucked for 2 hours at the customs earlier was already bad enough, I would think the bus driver would speed its way to KL to meet his schedule, if there is any, that is. But no, the bus was exceptionally slow. Really slow like 50km/h. What? He intends to reach KL in another, oh say, 50 years?
So I looked at the highway and wondered if it was because the road was full of vehicles. At customs earlier, there were more people that usual, traveling. Mum said maybe because it was St. Anne’s Feast day, so everyone’s flocking to Penang. This week and the next. Catholic stuff lah.
But no, the road was quite empty, yet the bus was going very slowly. And…
…. the bus was swaying from left to right.
The driver was SLEEPY!!!!!
The first thing that came to my mind was, this is it. This is how I was going to die. In an accident. In a bus. A lame bus. On a lame highway. So unglam! Lucky thing I had part of my make up on so if I were to die, I’d still be a good looking ghost, I guess…
Everybody else on the bus were asleep, no one noticed the sleepy driver. And the disgusting thing was, he kept making those yawning voices and sighing loudly, trying to keep himself awake. I woke up my boyfriend sitting next to me and told him, "Weh, driver is sleepy."
So we were both just staring on the road. Left. Right. Nearing the divider omg. I said a prayer for the first time in a year. I prayed to God, I told Him I know I only talk to You when I want something but then You’d probably know that about me since You created me in the first place OK I will not sound cocky now but please…. please all I ask of You now is safety for everyone on the bus, that is all.
I was about to jump for joy when we finally reached Yong Peng tol. Yay, it’s good it’s good, it’s all goooooood cos at least the driver gets to rest for a bit, have a hot drink or a nicotine boost.
Then, a funny conversation took place.
The bus stopped for quite a while at the tol booth, and then I heard someone said, "Woi, tidur ka?" I was laughing out loud because I thought it was so ironic that the bus driver was insulting the tol booth guy when he was sleepy himself earlier. Actually now come to think of it, there was a possibility that:
- The bus driver slept on the wheel and it could be the tol booth guy who was insulting the bus driver;
- It was the guy passenger sitting behind the bus driver insulting both the tol booth guy and the driver;
- It could be my hallucination because I was overjoyed.
Anyway, it was all gooooood, as I got down from the bus, I wanted to kiss the ground so much at that time. Or grab hold of some earth and rub it with hands then smell it like Maximus Decimus Meridius getting ready for battle in Gladiator. So diao.
I could have died! I nearly died do you understand?! But now I was given a 2nd chance to live! Like Dumbledore’s rising fiery phoenix! I don’t know why of all things I thought of that but I did. Phoenix rising from the ashes.
Only one thing haunted me throughout this ordeal. I was not ready to die. I was not ready to leave this world. There are so many things I wanted to do, so many things I haven’t achieved, so many things I wanted to say to so many people. Mostly bad things I want to say but…. the point is, I wasn’t ready to die. I’d be so bitter if I was dead now, I’ll be sure to come back to haunt the bus driver. If the bus driver’s dead as well, then I’d haunt the bus. If the bus was burnt to the ground then I’d haunt the road and take every person with me. I’d be carrying the pitchfork, a glittering one.
I guess if I was a ghost, I can go to the many places I haven’t gone to when I was alive, easily. Hahaha!
NO NO NO what am I thinking??! This is NO laughing matter. I felt so alive all of a sudden. And even more so when the 2nd shift bus driver took over. This 2nd bus driver looked so ready to take on the road, not like the previous tired looking driver. I wanted to kiss his hands and feet. It’s all gooooooood.
Barely half and hour later into the highway…. the bus slowed down.
And we are back to the sleepy mode…
Bus swaying left to right? Check.
Bus attracted to the divider? Check.
Yawning manly sound? Check.
Gas pedal sometimes got press sometimes release for so long? Check.
Suddenly brake for no apparent reason? Fucking check the fucking checking.
Niamagehchowfahaiyan. Grrr. Gahhh!! Fehhh!!!! But this time, the passenger sitting just behind the driver was alert. He also saw that the driver was sleepy so the passenger sat up straight. OKlah, I guess got that guy watching, I wasn’t so afraid anymore.
Back to my DS and music. Ignoramous is the key to happiness.
Thankfully, I landed at Puduraya in one piece. Felt blessed, felt lucky, felt one with the world. It’s like I had a mini enlightenment.
Can’t help thinking about my life at that time. Can’t help thinking if this is what I am happy doing, if it’s worth it. Am I doing things for someone else, or am I doing it for myself? And what am I waiting for? Can’t help thinking if I’m taking a lot of things for granted now. Can’t help thinking if what if there are just so many tomorrows. What the hell am I waiting for??? What am I chasing for???
It’s sad to think that in this world we live it, being carefree means being irresponsible. Who are we answerable to in the end? No one but ourselves, right? I should think so. I’d like to think so.
Sigh, I’m so not ready to die.
But I don’t feel like I’m living life either.
As usual, my family came to fetch me home. They brought me to eat dim sum at Jalan Ipoh. It was 3am in the morning. At any 3am in the morning, even when I was hungry, I won’t eat because I was afraid to be fat.
Oh no, not this 3am. This 3am, after phoenix rose from the ashes, phoenix ate many many siew mais and chicken feet and other dim sums because she’s no longer afraid to be fat. Fat it is, fat phoenix. Fat MaRvELgAL.
Fat pun fat lah. Fat also I will be loved.
